A little mentioned provision in the newly introduced replacement for Obamacare, Trump(lol)Care calls for reimbursement for proctology appointments for those afflicted with a condition long known but poorly understood until just recently. It is a condition who's symptoms range from colorectal discomfort to confusion and other forms of mental disorders. Assholitis affects a significant population of the world and up to 60% of the US population. It is most prominent in the big cities of both coasts of the United States but especially in California and points north. Those afflicted show strange behaviors such as dressing in black clothes and wearing masks in large groups to perform violent actions they would never have the balls to do by themselves. There's also the predilection for appearing tough as shit but running to a "safe place" such as a tree or a bench when feeling discomforted. Intolerence to the free speech and ideas of others and a total aversion to work a...
House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi expressed joy after reading a leaked medical report regarding President Trump's recent visit to the doctor. "I pray every night the he should get cancer. Well it may not be cancer but I'll take it as a sign from the Man Upstairs that He's listening!" In the medical report Trump was described as suffering from a comedo to the left buttock which was treated by famed dermatologist Chuck Fern, MD. When Trump was asked for his opinion about Pelosi's reaction to the report he stated "Does the woman have anything better to do than concern herself with a pimple on my ass? Better yet tell her to come over to the White House and I'll show it to her!" Report filed by Roc Moose, Fake News Chronicle correspondent